Marriage
now browsing by category
Celebrating Marriage
A wedding is one of the most celebrated events in a woman’s life. The wedding day itself is a day of celebration with flowers, feasts, beautiful clothing, and happy tears shared with family and friends. Then each year after, the wedding date is celebrated again as the couple remembers their commitment to God and to each other.
Weddings have been a cause for celebration since the very beginning. Throughout the Bible we can read about wedding feasts and the celebration involved with the start of a new marriage. Jesus was even invited to attend a wedding celebration during the early part of his ministry (John 2).
The first wedding ceremony, although simple when compared to today’s standards, must have shared much of the same happiness and emotion. Surely Adam must have felt overwhelming joy when presented with his bride. God created Eve and “brought her to the man” (Genesis 2:22), much as a father walks his daughter down the aisle to her groom. As Adam looked as his bride and they were joined together as man and wife, there must have been much love and hope for their future as he said “therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife.” (Genesis 2:24)
Marriage is truly a wonderful gift from God – one that should be celebrated. As our creator, God knew the nature of man. He knew that we could better enjoy this world He designed for us if we had someone to share it with. “It is not good that the man should be alone,” God said. (Genesis 2:18). So God created a suitable helper for the man, someone who would complete him in every way. And in creating the woman for the man, God also created the union that would join them together – the union of marriage.
Marriage is not an institution created by men. We did not design the idea of marriage; therefore, we do not make up the rules. Marriage is a union created by God alone. But as men often do with God’s creations, there are some who try to change God’s plan for marriage to make it fit their own wants and desires.
What is God’s plan for marriage?
1. Marriage is a union between a man and a woman. This is not a popular idea to discuss anymore, but being unpopular with the world does not make it untrue. Marriage was never designed to join together two men or two women. In fact, God calls the very idea of this kind of union an abomination (Leviticus 20:11). God did not create a man AND a woman for Adam to choose the partner he preferred. Adam, the man, was created first. Then Eve, the woman, was created to be his helper. From the beginning, God designed marriage to be a union between a man and a woman.
2. Marriage is to be between one husband and one wife. Once a man and woman are joined together in marriage, they are to be committed only to one another. God outlines His plan for the marriage relationship in Ephesians 5. The husband is to be the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church. The wife is to submit to her husband; while he is commanded to love her the way Christ loves the church and even gave himself for it. (vs. 22-25) There is no room for other men or other women in a marriage that follows God’s plan.
3. Marriage is God’s chosen vehicle for bringing children into the world. Children are one of God’s greatest blessings. They are a “heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward” (Psalm 127:3). After God joined together Adam and Eve, He blessed them and encouraged them to be fruitful and multiply (Genesis 1:28). But God’s plan does not encourage all people everywhere to have children with whomever they wish. Over and over throughout the Old Testament, God warned His people “Do not commit adultery.” (Exodus 20:14). In the New Testament, Jesus even takes the law a step farther when he said that even looking on a woman with lustful intent is the same as committing adultery in the heart. (Matthew 5:28). If we follow God’s plan for marriage, children are a blessing to be enjoyed within the marriage because the sexual relationship is only to be enjoyed within the marriage.
4. Marriage is intended to last. This is quickly becoming another very unpopular, although very true part of God’s plan for marriage. Today couples plan little and marry quickly without much thought for the future. Divorces are granted every day for any reason a couple can invent. But God’s plan for marriage does not provide for an “easy way out” in case the couple changes their mind in a year or two. Jesus taught that anyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery (Matthew 5:32, Mark 10:11). In fact, the only reason that divorce would be permitted is if one partner is unfaithful (Matthew 19:9). “A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives” (Romans 7:2).
Marriage is not an institution that needs a makeover. It is not the job of the government or any other group to insert their opinions or determine who can marry or when and how a marriage can be dissolved. Marriage is an honorable institution (Hebrews 13:4), a law created by God (Romans 7:2-3). And as the creator, God is the only one with the authority to make or change the plan for marriage.
A marriage between a new husband and his bride is certainly a cause for celebration. And so is a faithful, mature marriage that has stood the test of time. Marriage involves more than just finding our own personal happiness and sharing our life with another person as long as we find happiness in it. Marriage involves a lifelong commitment – to our spouse and to God’s perfect plan.
By Valerie Enoch
printed in the Summer 2012 issue V5N3
The Excellent Wife
“An excellent wife, who can find?” the proverbs writer says. The Bible gives so many examples of wives throughout history, some good, others bad. We have a duty as women to be excellent wives to our husbands. On the wedding day that most dream of our entire lives, we vow to love, honor, and cherish in sickness and health, for richer and for poorer, ‘till death do we part, but do we mean it? Do our husbands find great value in his bride or is he met with strife and disdain through the trials of life? Let’s examine two different Biblical examples of wives in the Bible, the wife of Job and the worthy woman of Proverbs 31.
Job was a man of great earthly gain but mostly he was a man of great faith. The devil sought to cause his fall and was permitted to destroy Job’s family, wealth and health. Through all of the trials, Job never cursed God but he lost the favor of his wife so much so that she begged him to “curse God and die”. Her disdain was so great towards Job that he later wrote, “My breath is offensive to my wife”. I can’t imagine the sadness this must have caused him. He had already lost everything of earthly value to him through no fault of his own and the one person that should have stayed by his side felt he’d be better off dead. Because of his continued faith in God, he was eventually restored to greater gain than before. How unfortunate that, while he waited on the Lord, his wife turned from him and left him alone.
The Proverbs writer describes a “worthy woman”. A worthy woman’s husband “trusts in her” and she “brings him good and not evil”. She works hard to help her husband and brings him glory and honor in the land in which they reside. She doesn’t seem to be a woman who is about the business of tearing down her husband by constantly telling others his faults; rather, she emphasizes his strengths and loves him in spite of his faults.
The children of America have been deprived of good, upright, Godly fathers for a long time; However, dare I say that American children are also deprived of good, upright, and Godly wives who uplift and support their husbands in the rearing of children? I often hear women complain about everything their husbands don’t do. Television portrays every male as a lazy and stupid oaf. It’s no wonder men today don’t grow up to be the men and leaders that we need them to be. In my role as a childcare provider, I was recently told that a “child will never rise above my expectation of them.” I venture to say, neither will a husband. If we expect them to be mean, unwilling to listen, unable to help, too self absorbed to care, they will be. If we can find the courage within ourselves to put our husbands first in our lives, to trust in them, compliment their strengths, and build them up in a crowd, they will rise to the occasion and become the leaders of our families and a new generation of great and noble men.
Within each wife is great power, the power to build up and the power to tear down. What kind of wife will you be?
By Beth Drake
originally printed in the Spring 2012 issue V5N2
5 Love Languages
What happens to love after the wedding? We all know that as times goes by we seem to lose focus of the relationship we had at the beginning with the one we love.
Tons of books are written on this subject. Television and radio talk shows deal with it, the internet is full of advice and our parents and friends have a lot of advice. Keeping love alive in our marriages is serious business. With all this help available, why is it so few couples have found the secret to keeping love alive? How can couples attend workshops or seminars on communication, hear a lot of wonderful ideas, return home, try two or three of the ideas, feel it’s not working then give up on all the other ideas they heard?
The problem is that people speak different love languages. Not everyone receives love just like you do. There are 5 emotional love languages. 5 ways people speak and understand emotional love. Once we discover the love language of our spouse and also our own, then we can begin to “communicate” love to our spouse.
We all have a need to feel love and affection and the need to sense that we belong and are wanted. Love need not evaporate after the wedding, but in order to keep it alive, most of us will have to put forth effort to learn what language our spouse is speaking.
The 5 Love Languages are:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
We all have inside of us a “Love Tank”, just as our body needs food (fuel) to fill our physical needs; we need LOVE in our “Love Tank” to fill our emotional needs.
Let’s talk about our love languages.
Words of Affirmation
One way to express love is to use words that build up. In Proverbs 12:25 it says, “An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.” Verbal compliments or words of appreciation are powerful communicators of love. Be sincere in your compliments. Don’t use verbal flattery to get what you want! “The object of love is not getting something you want, but doing something for the well being of the one you love.”
Encouraging your spouse with words of affirmation will inspire courage. We all have areas in which we feel insecure or we lack courage. You never know what a difference you could make in your spouse by just giving them some words of encouragement.
Remember to use Kind words (A soft answer turns away angrer) and Humble words (Love makes requests, not demands)!
Quality Time
Quality Time means giving someone your undivided attention! In this day and time when everything is so fast paced, with places to go and things to do, we find it hard to just stop, sit down, turn everything off and just talk to one another or take quiet walks. Focus your attention on what your spouse is saying, and you may find you don’t know them as well as you thought you did.
Quality Conversation – is a sympathetic conversation where two people are sharing their experiences, thoughts and feelings. Be a GOOD listener! Pay attention to what is being said with body language, along with the words that are being said.
Here are 5 practical tips for Quality Conversation:
1. Maintain Eye Contact
2. Don’t be doing something while listening to
your spouse
3. Listen for feelings
4. Observe body language
5. Refuse to interrupt
Receiving Gifts
Everyone loves to feel special by receiving a gift. Gifts are visual symbol of love. Visual symbols of love are more important to some people than to others. Gifts can come in all sizes, colors and shapes. They can be made, found or purchased. They do not have to be given only on special occasions. Don’t forget the gift of SELF. Sometimes this gift speaks more loudly than a gift that can be held in your hand.
Acts of Service
Acts of service is doing things you know your spouse would like, without them asking. You seek to please them by serving them. This does not mean you have to become your spouse’s slave, but when you do thoughtful things to help them out, you are communicating your love to them.
Physical Touch
Physical Touch is probably the most well known way of communicating love to one another; such as holding hands, kissing, embracing and intimacy. For some people this is their primary Love Language and without it they feel unloved. Physical touch can make or break a relationship. It can communicate Hate or Love. Sometimes it’s as small as a touch on the shoulder or a kiss on the cheek as you leave the room. This communicates to them that you are thinking of them.
Love is a choice, and we need to make the choice that we are going to learn how to communicate with our spouses that we love them above all others.
I encourage all of us to start learning how to love our spouses and make our marriages what GOD intended them to be.
You can take a profile test to see what yours and your spouse’s Love Language is at:
By Kathy Robertson (Adapted from the book)
Originally printed in the Winter 2012 issue V5N1
A Submissive Wife
When looking for an example of a submissive wife as described in Ephesians 5:22-25, we need only to look to the worthy woman of Proverbs 31. She is a woman who inspires confidence in the heart of her husband because he trusts in her. The husband of such a woman can go about his daily responsibilities having full confidence in her while he is away. She takes care of the home and the needs of the family in his absence. She will not be one to ruin his good name or destroy the family financially while he is gone. This is a woman who stands by her man; she builds him up, and is proud in doing so.
“She rises also while it is still night and gives food to her household” (v. 15). Notice she is an early riser, busying herself with her domestic responsibilities and fulfilling her daily obligations. She provides food and nourishment for her family because she has their best interests at heart. It goes on to say that “she girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong.” Due to all of the work she does, she is not a weak woman. She is strong and dependable.
“The teaching of kindness is on her tongue” (v. 26). When she speaks, she is kind and speaks words of wisdom. She does not slander and is not a busy body. She controls her tongue. “She looks well to the ways of her household, her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and he praises her, saying: Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all.”
The worthy woman is praised and appreciated by her husband and children. Men may acknowledge a worthy woman but the upright man appreciates and treats his own worthy wife as the very best. Charm is
deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Nothing is more beautiful on a woman than inner beauty. She loves the Lord and considers the needs of others greater than her own (Philippians 2:3-4).
How many of us fit this description of a submissive wife? Some may laugh or scoff at the idea of being under submission in today’s society. Many have said that being a submissive wife means giving up the rights of a woman, or that being in submission turns back the hands of time on the progress that women have made. Some feel as though they would be regarded as inferior, second rate, or even worse if they submit to their husbands.
But let us open our Bibles to see exactly what the Bible teaches on this topic.
In Ephesians, Paul instructs, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” This verse teaches that we should be in submission to our own husbands. Not to all husbands, but just to our own. “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.” This verse may offend society, but Christian women pattern themselves after Christ’s teachings and not worldly ideas. “But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” Christianity means total submission to Christ. A Christian woman wouldn’t resent her husband’s God-given authority any more than the faithful Church would take exception to Christ’s authority. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her…” Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it. Husbands are not to have the attitude of “what can I make her do for me” but “what can I do for her and how can we together serve God.” God is head of all. If husbands are not doing the will of God, then the wife must do as God commands. Ultimately, we are all under God’s authority.
Husbands and wives, in obedience to God, should have an attitude of Ephesians 5:21…”and be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.” God’s plan is a perfect plan. Blessed are those who keep his testimonies, who seek him with their whole heart. (Psalm 119:2).
By Karen Bookout
Originally printed in the Summer 2009 issue
Submission in Marriage
(Part 2 of a Series. Click here for Part 1.)
The first time we read about a woman in the Bible, she is given the role of a wife – her husband’s helper. She was created for him. In Genesis 2:18, the Lord God said “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” God designed the plan for a wife’s submission even before sin entered the world in Genesis 3. God’s plan was perfect from the beginning by first creating man. Then He made woman out of Adam’s side so the two would be equal in God’s sight. He created Adam and Eve for each other.
Ephesians 5:22-23 tells us “Wives be subject to your own husband as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church.” The wife must act under the authority of her husband as the church acts under the authority of Christ.
Paul discusses some differences between men and women in I Corinthians 11. Man was created first, but woman committed the first sin. When Eve stepped out of her place and took the leadership roll with the serpent, she violated God’s design. Also, when Adam stepped out of his place and took the follower’s position, he was not acting as the leader God designed him to be.
Here again we must remember that God created man, then from man He created woman. On a spiritual level woman is equal to man, but the man is the spiritual head and leader of the family. We must remember 1 Corinthians 11:1-3. “Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ. But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is head of woman, and God is head of the church.”
Men and women are dependent upon each other in Christ (1 Corinthians 11:11-12). Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord. For as woman came from man, even so man also comes through woman; but all things are from God. Since the woman was taken from the man, she is of him, yet man comes into the world through the woman. Man had the priority in time and position, yet no man can be born without woman. They mutually depend upon each other.
The following passages show how much concern and care God has for women.
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is as rottenness in his bones (Proverbs 12:4).
Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord (Proverbs 19:14).
A woman’s position as a wife as described in God’s word cannot be misunderstood. Her role was ordained by God and goes back to Genesis 3:16 where we read of the fall of Adam and Eve.
Both man and woman are of God. They live, move, and have their being in Him. The woman should be content in her role, and the man should not feel superior since the arrangement is God’s design.
God honored women from the very beginning when He created Eve for Adam and established the first divine institution of marriage. The influence of the world can be strong in our marriages, but we should remember that our first responsibility is to obey God and not men (Acts 5:29). A Christian husband and wife can know that eternity with God is possible if they endure the worldly influences that they face in the present.
Verse for Meditation and Study: I Peter 3:1-7
By Mary Stonebarger
originally printed in the summer 2009 issue
What Advice Helped You Most in Your Marriage?
(Words of Advice for a Christian Wife – An “In Your Own Words” Series “Older Women…train the younger women to love their husbands and children” Titus 2:3-4)
Marry a Christian.
~ Linda Keene
Wherever you are, whoever you’re with or wherever you go—remember who you are first: a child of The King.
~ Barbara Ainsworth
Many say marriage should be 50-50 but I don’t believe that. Marriage should be 100-100. Marriage is wonderful if you are both giving it your all.”
~ Connie Ball
No matter what, ALWAYS be faithful.
~ Mildred Achimon
My mother always told me that marriage was for a lifetime and a long time and I could never come back home. I always remembered those words.
~ Jane Ruyle
Others in the Series:
Originally printed in the Summer 2009 issue
How can a Christian wife encourage and uplift her husband?
(Words of Advice for a Christian Wife – An “In Your Own Words” Series “Older Women…train the younger women to love their husbands and children” Titus 2:3-4)
Give him special notes or cards when he does well. Small things can really make a big difference. It can even be as small as picking up his socks without being asked to.
~Linda Keene
The best way to encourage and uplift your husband is to not take him for granted. Be quick to praise him when he does well and be sure to say thank you.
~Barbara Ainsworth
Show him you appreciate him all the time. For the way he dresses, for making a living, for being considerate, or any other way you can. Let him know that you are proud to be seen with him and that you enjoy being with him.
~ Connie Ball
Others in the Series:
Originally printed in the Summer 2009 issue
How Can a Christian Wife Help Her Husband Who is Hurting Spiritually?
(Words of Advice for a Christian Wife – An “In Your Own Words” Series “Older Women…train the younger women to love their husbands and children” Titus 2:3-4)
Love him, pray for him and be patient. Pray for yourself and that the Lord will help you help him.
~ Connie Ball
Be the best example you can be: serve him, put him first, go out of your way to leave notes of love in unexpected places but never give into missing church services.
~ Linda Keene
Pray, pray, pray. Stand ready to comfort and help him. Realize that it must be his decision. You can not make it for him.
~ Barbara Ainsworth
Always stand by his side and give him support.
~ Jane Ruyle
Do all that you can to encourage him and be an example to him.
~ Mildred Achimon
Others in the Series:
Encourage and uplift
Originally printed in the Summer 2009 issue
How Should a Christian Wife Help Her Husband Cope With Losing His Job?
(Words of Advice for a Christian Wife – An “In Your Own Words” Series )
Discuss options you have for withstanding the transition. Be careful to not put him down.
~ Mildred Achimon
Do not nag him but be patient and encourage him in looking for another job.
~ Jane Ruyle
Cut back, be encouraging, be positive and let him know that he is still your lover. Ask his opinions and follow his advice.
~ Linda Keene
Do everything you can to reinforce his self-esteem. He will probably be beating himself up. If you have a job, do not rub it in that you are bringing in a paycheck. Save everything you can and go to the Lord for help.
~ Connie Ball
Others in the Series:
Originally printed in the Summer 2009 issue
Words of Advice for New Brides
(Words of Advice for a Christian Wife – An “In Your Own Words” Series )
Remember that you are not only marrying your husband, you are also marrying his family. Strive to love them.
~ Barbara Ainsworth
Compile a list of items dealing with household responsibilities and have your husband rank and assign them like dusting, making the bed, bathing the children, and mowing the lawn. Which tasks are his, yours, or both? Which ones are most important? Which ones are least important?
~ Linda Keene
Your husband needs a help-meet—not a CEO. Always love and respect him. Put God first, your husband second and yourself third.
~ Connie Ball
Always strive to be an example to your husband and be helpful. Remember Ephesians 5:22 “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”
~ Mildred Achimon
Others in the Series:
Originally printed in the Summer 2009 issue